Earlier this evening, I watched a segment on some new program, about Gabrielle Gifford.  It dealt with her abscence and the impact that it had on her office and the people who work for her.  They said that since she had been shot, that they were constantly thinking "what would Gabby" want done as they go about their business.  The people who work in her office talked about what a life changing event the murder of her collegues and her attempted murder had on everyone working in the office.  They said that their desire was that in spite of all the death and pain, that they wanted something good to come of it.  They talked about how the office had become a rallying point and a place of comfort for so many of the people affected by this tragic event.

I couldn't help but reflect on my own situation and the tragic and unexpected death of my husband.  He died on March 2nd and we would have been married 35 years on June 23rd of the same year.   When referring to grief, someone commented on how everyone always says it gets better after you lose a loved one, and the grief and pain go away.  This person commented that the grief doesn't ever go away, one just learns to integrate it into one's life.   I think that is so true! 

I don't think the grief and pain go away.  Rather I think you just integrate it into your life - it becomes part of the fabric of your being and changes you forever.   It's like a large scar.  It heals but it never really heals completely...it's still tender and you feel pain when you least expect it.

So many things have changed since I lost my husband and I can't help but reflect on all the changes in my life.  There was such an outpouring of kindness and love from people I didn't really know all that well.  It makes me forever grateful for the support and love I received, sometimes from people I barley knew.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss  him and wish he was here with me. I go to bed every night and before closing my eyes, I tell him that I love him. He will forever be a part of my life, a part of my being.
The emptiness and pain of loss doesn't ever go away....you just learn to live with it.

Lately I have been preoccupied with my dear husband's passing. The pain doesn't go away. It may hide and trick you into thinking it is not so sharp but it's still there.

I think of him and talk to him a hundred times a day. He's always with me and some days it hurts more than others. Grief doesn't go away. Whomever said it goes away, lied. The pain is there, sharper some days, but always there.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him, that it doesn't hurt! I have a hole in my heart and a hole in my life that nothing can ever fill.

I will always love you and I miss you sweetheart!